Ep.9/ Twin Pregnancies, Doctor Experiences and Mental Health with Deja Harford

Written By Jillian Baker
 

Twin Pregnancies, Doctor Experiences and Mental Health with Deja Harford

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  • Note: This transcription has been created with a help of an AI thus errors and mistranscriptions may be present.

    [00:00:00] Deja Harford: Hello, maternal health 9 1 1. What's your emergency?

    [00:00:08] Deja Harford: 1, 2, 3, 4.

    [00:00:14] Dr. Jill Baker: Hi, I'm Dr. Joe Baker. I'm a wife, a mother, a community health scholar and executive director and a fertility coach. More than 12 years ago, I was on my own infertility journey. Since then, I've made it my personal mission to help anyone who is on their own journey to become a parent, as well as shed light on infertility and maternal health experiences of bipo women and couples.

    [00:00:42] Dr. Jill Baker: Now let's begin this week's episode of Maternal Health 9 1 1.

    [00:00:53] Dr. Jill Baker: Hello, everybody. Welcome to Maternal Health 9 1 1 podcast, and it's the one you all know in love, your amazing and illustrious host, Dr. Jill Bakers. I'm very excited to be with you all. I have Deja Hartford with me today, everyone. So welcome Deja to the Maternal Health 9 1 1 community. And just to give you all, some information as I do about all the, wonderful things, my, my guests do.

    [00:01:29] Dr. Jill Baker: Deja is a licensed mental health counselor and the founder, owner of her Thriving Private Practice Steps to Clarity. I love that name. She provides treatment that's tailored to the needs of couples, families, and individuals experiencing anxiety, depression, disruptive behaviors, relationship challenges and self-esteem issues With more than 15 years of experience working with children, adults, and families, deja has a wide range of skills.

    [00:02:02] Dr. Jill Baker: The opportunities presented over the span of her career to serve the community, continue to grow in various ways. She has provided emergency room mental health and substance abuse, inpatient treatment assessments for several years. She has provided clinical services for men and women and facilitated me mental health workshops.

    [00:02:25] Dr. Jill Baker: In addition, yes, there's more. She has previously worked with adolescents and families in a variety of settings, and those roles included being an interim program director for a juvenile justice facility, an NYC Board of Education counselor, and an adolescent residential treatment center therapist.

    [00:02:47] Dr. Jill Baker: Her experience with working with diverse and disadvantaged populations opened up many avenues in contributing to better society in touching the lives of so many in various ways. Deja has been described both personally and professionally as a diligent, motivated, inclusive, and ambitious interval with a lot of charisma.

    [00:03:09] Dr. Jill Baker: It is her overall goal to assist in enhancing the quality of life for individuals and families. And she believes that everyone has a unique situation and she makes every effort to understand all aspects of one's life in order to deliver highly personalized treatment. I love that the whole, the holistic perspective and not just looking at the, one part and this part and that part.

    [00:03:34] Dr. Jill Baker: You really have to look at the entire person. I fully believe that when Deja is not providing services in the counseling realm with individuals and families, deja creates natural handmade skincare products for her line soulless by Jah. And she's preparing to launch a personal development coaching business venture called Pursuing Passion and Purpose.

    [00:03:56] Dr. Jill Baker: I have used her products. We actually should we should talk about them. They're, they are amazing. They really helped my hair grow during the pandemic cuz I was experiencing some hair loss. So thank you Deja for that and for those products. And you can tell people how they get the products.

    [00:04:13] Dr. Jill Baker: We'll make sure to. You let people know. Okay. And she enjoys vacationing in the Caribbean family, impromptu dance parties in her living room, while creating amazing memories with her husband of 12 years. Andre, her honorary son, Jayden twins, Juliana and Joshua who are nine, and the baby of the house.

    [00:04:35] Dr. Jill Baker: Jonathan, who is four? So without further ado, deja, welcome to this show and welcome to Maternal Health 9 1 1. I know that we know we have so many things in common. You wanna share one of the things that we have in common that's crazy, but we were talking about it a few weeks ago.

    [00:04:59] Deja Harford: Yes. Yes, you were.

    [00:05:00] Deja Harford: Thank you for that. Thank you for having me on your show. I'm super excited to be here. As you said, we've known you've probably known me my entire life. Oh, that's true. You've

    [00:05:08] Dr. Jill Baker: probably known me. I'm a little older than you. I'm not

    [00:05:11] Deja Harford: that much. We're not gonna put it out there, but you let's not, yes. Y'all know each other for some time, but Yes. So truly there is there is like a sisterhood and just looking back over some things, I was like, this is something else. Like one, we both were married, got married in Jamaica. Yeah. So actually

    [00:05:31] Dr. Jill Baker: Uhhuh we did and two commemorate that I made a little like rum punch, but it's not really rum punch, but it makes me think about Jamaica.

    [00:05:40] Dr. Jill Baker: Ok. Ok. So I have some pineapple juice, orange juice and coconut rum. It makes me feel like, I'm in Jamaica.

    [00:05:47] Deja Harford: Nice. I don't have that, but I'm sipping and it feels good. It feels good.

    [00:05:53] Dr. Jill Baker: Yeah. So we both did get married in Jamaica. Yes. We married, did married in

    [00:05:56] Deja Harford: Jamaica. We both have twins, boy girl, twins, which is crazy.

    [00:06:01] Deja Harford: Yes. My baby A girl. I'm is your baby a. Baby A

    [00:06:05] Dr. Jill Baker: is the girl. And baby

    [00:06:08] Deja Harford: B is the boy. Baby B is the boy. And also after the twins, I have a singleton that we know that term that's like multiples term, right? Like at least that's when I learned the term. Term. Singleton, multiples, whatever. But then we know that yes, we know that.

    [00:06:26] Dr. Jill Baker: People who have not had multiple children. Don't know what Singleton Dunno

    [00:06:30] Deja Harford: what that means. That means one baby. Ok. You just had one baby. So after my girl boy twins, I had one baby, which was a boy, and so does Jill, her a baby. And my singleton. You're a singleton's a boy. It's a boy who's fine. There you go.

    [00:06:46] Deja Harford: So there you go. That's, there's a lot.

    [00:06:48] Dr. Jill Baker: And people are probably playing parallels. Why did you all do

    [00:06:51] Deja Harford: that?

    [00:06:55] Deja Harford: We ain't gonna get into that now. We're not gonna get into that. Yes.

    [00:06:59] Dr. Jill Baker: But here they are. Here they are. And we were talking about some of our experiences while being pregnant with the twins. And I know that the world knows that I went through infertility for two and a half years to get pregnant with the twins.

    [00:07:16] Dr. Jill Baker: Your experience was a little. Different. Nonetheless. But you still had twins, Uhhuh?

    [00:07:24] Deja Harford: Yes. Yes. My fam we have twins on both sides of my family. Both my, that's right. Parents' side on my mom's side and my dad's side. I believe my paternal grandfather, grandmother, she was a twin. And then we don't wanna go to Great-Grands, but I will for a second.

    [00:07:40] Deja Harford: My great-grandmother, I believe had 22 children and outta those 22 children, that's the Jamaican side. Shout out to Jamaica so that she, and outta that I think was like two or three sets of twins, that she had. So there was always this running joke that somebody, one of us are gonna be hit with twins.

    [00:07:58] Deja Harford: There

    [00:07:58] Dr. Jill Baker: was, might be it was gonna happen. And it happened

    [00:08:01] Deja Harford: to you? It happened to me. I always wanted twins though. Twin girls though, if I, to be honest, I always

    [00:08:06] Dr. Jill Baker: wanted to. Okay. So when did you say to yourself, You wanted twins

    [00:08:12] Deja Harford: from young childhood. Really? Prema? I always just wanted twins, for the wrong reasons.

    [00:08:17] Deja Harford: Cause I thought they were, like for dolls, like they're gonna be dolls. It's so cute for them to be identical. I just didn't know that. Not that I didn't know. Twins aren't identical, but that's what people think. Twins, they think, right? Yeah. That's what they think. Identical. That's just where I was and I just

    [00:08:32] wanted

    [00:08:32] Dr. Jill Baker: to dress up.

    [00:08:33] Dr. Jill Baker: You know what, now that I, now that you have me think back, I had, I had all those Cabbage Patch kids and I had a set of boys. Cabbage Patch kids, bald head. I remember, I, I don't remember if they were fraternal or, I think they were identical. You're right. I love them. I love

    [00:08:51] Deja Harford: them.

    [00:08:54] Deja Harford: But I dunno if was like,

    [00:09:01] Deja Harford: I didn't wanna see.

    [00:09:02] Dr. Jill Baker: But see, so you put it on yourself and then you had the fam yeah. Both sides of your family.

    [00:09:07] Deja Harford: Yes.

    [00:09:08] Dr. Jill Baker: It was,

    [00:09:08] Deja Harford: It was inevitable. Absolutely. So when we found out, my husband was like, he says are you a witch? Like, how would you know that we're having twins? Like, why would you say that?

    [00:09:19] Deja Harford: Cause I put it out there. I said, when we have kids, one day we'll have twins. And then when we found out we were having twins, yes. He asked if I as a witch. I'm like, what you mean? I, no, we just know. You just knew.

    [00:09:31] Dr. Jill Baker: You just, you have that instinct and you knew. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. My, my mother-in-law wished twins on us.

    [00:09:40] Dr. Jill Baker: Okay. At like my niece's, like third birthday party at her house. She had a little magic wand cuz it was a princess party. Okay. And then she like, Took the wand and hit me on the head and she was like, I'm blessing you with twins. Oh,

    [00:09:54] Deja Harford: okay. What happened? Look what happened. See, there's some truth to some of these things, truth, I'm sorry. Look what happened. Exactly. Yes. Yes. That's yes. My husband, not so much, he didn't think of twins. He wanted all boys. Okay. He wanted all boys. I didn't want, I had to have a girl. I was just like, I didn't care if I had 20 boys after that. I had to have a girl and it had to be my first child.

    [00:10:21] Deja Harford: I don't know why, but that was like my thing. Yeah. That's what it was. It's funny cuz when we I initially I did not wanna find out the sexist when I found out I was having Twin did. That's the story of its on its own. Oh,

    [00:10:33] Dr. Jill Baker: no, that's very interesting.

    [00:10:36] Deja Harford: Yeah. No, I didn't wanna find out. I wanted to.

    [00:10:39] Dr. Jill Baker: That was, okay, so let's paint a picture for people. So that's like for me I remember ours, I was the 20 week appointment for the twins, for me, for Gavin and Jama.

    [00:10:50] Deja Harford: Okay. So when you found out, so when, we found out. Okay. So this is like such a, should I start? Should I go? Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, let's go in.

    [00:11:00] Deja Harford: Okay. So when I found out I was pregnant, like I knew that I was pregnant because there's a spiritual realm that we have and I genuinely fail and believe that, probably about a month or so before I found out I was pregnant, that God told me like, deja, you're gonna be a mom.

    [00:11:18] Deja Harford: And I'm like, what? Because at this point I was a stepmom. So that's my honorary jaded, ok. Said, be a mom. And I'm like, God, whatcha you talking about? And he said, yeah, you gonna have, you gonna have, you're gonna be a mom. So I said, okay, cool. The next month, I was like, let me test this out.

    [00:11:32] Deja Harford: And there was no reason to test it out because nothing was late that nothing, none of that happened. Okay. Okay. Got it. And I was just like I was just anxious because I felt this is what I was being told. And girl, I didn't even finish, you peeing on a stick. Sorry. I didn't even finish, I didn't even finish bright pregnant.

    [00:11:48] Deja Harford: And I was like, wait, what? Oh my God. This was like within weeks. So I was just like, wait no, this can't be real. So I took another test and pregnant, so shortly after, maybe now I'm like scheduling appointments and then, I was seeing these doctors who weren't nice to me at all. They so yeah they weren't really nice to me.

    [00:12:12] Deja Harford: They didn't see anything. I guess I was so early. This is okay. At this point I was like four or five weeks maybe. Okay. Four or five weeks. That's no, that's not really pregnant. That's pregnant, but not no one knows that they're pregnant at that time. Most people don't.

    [00:12:25] Deja Harford: Do not know. Do not know because nothing happened. Nothing. And you was missed yet.

    [00:12:28] Dr. Jill Baker: Differently. You were not going through infertility. So when you're going through infertility you're constantly being constantly done test all the time. Okay. So yes. It's yeah. So yeah. Okay. So I, so it's not, so walk for individuals.

    [00:12:43] Dr. Jill Baker: Walk us through what these doc, what the doctors were saying to you at this point.

    [00:12:47] Deja Harford: They gave me a test and they came back positive. But they did the sono and they didn't see anything. Okay. So because they didn't see anything, they're like, oh, maybe this is a false positive. Okay. And I said, okay.

    [00:12:58] Deja Harford: So then they kept on having me come in like several times a week. This was going on probably a week or two. Like I feel like I was going in every day. It was just so odd. And they would give me the, what is it called? Like the beta sub test? Like it was the blood test? Yeah.

    [00:13:10] Dr. Jill Baker: Yeah.

    [00:13:11] Deja Harford: Confirming the pregnancy correcting. And I think there's a few days spann before they give you another one to see if the numbers go up. And the numbers were going up astronomically, so they're like, okay, we're confirming there's a pregnancy. But the son, they saw nothing, so they weren't seeing anything.

    [00:13:28] Deja Harford: So after probably the week two of me going and they're not seeing anything, they were like, oh, we don't see anything. So you're super early anyway, and it's probably a false positive, so you should just have a DM C, an abortion.

    [00:13:42] Dr. Jill Baker: Wait. They told you to have a D N C? Yes.

    [00:13:49] Dr. Jill Baker: With several positive pregnancy tests. Confirmed on the blood test. Yep. On the stick first. On the stick. But then

    [00:13:57] Deja Harford: the, yeah, and the blood test. And the blood test.

    [00:13:59] Dr. Jill Baker: Yep. But they just can't see the baby on Yes. A sonogram.

    [00:14:05] Deja Harford: So I always, I like to challenge individuals. If you're saying something to me that's so I'm like, it just didn't make any sense.

    [00:14:12] Deja Harford: So I said you do know, typically people don't even know they're pregnant at this point, so no one's coming into you of course. Unless, like you said, if you're having like IVF, then it's different cause you're closely monitored. But generally people usually go in at a certain time, so they're further along in their pregnancy, so I'm like, this isn't my case.

    [00:14:30] Deja Harford: Cause I'm just so early. So why would you suggest or recommend to terminate a pregnancy so early? Because you're not seeing something on the sonogram, but yet every other test, every other diagnostic test is saying that is

    [00:14:46] Dr. Jill Baker: positive. So what was their, what was the response?

    [00:14:50] Deja Harford: That's what he said. We don't see anything here, so it's just better that way.

    [00:14:53] Deja Harford: It's probably going to end anyway. So just end the pregnancy. And I said I will not, I'd rather if it's going to end, let it end. But the reason you're giving me is not enough. There's not enough. There wasn't any life threatening thing that was happening. There was nothing that was going on for them to suggest that.

    [00:15:10] Deja Harford: So I was like, that wasn't gonna happen.

    [00:15:11] Dr. Jill Baker: So lemme ask you a question. What do you think was the source of that response? In all honesty? What was your gut telling you?

    [00:15:23] Deja Harford: I do think that it had to do with I think they saw another young black woman coming in. Cuz it was, I was in Brooklyn, in a certain area of Brooklyn when I was gonna get the services and I think it just was like, Yeah, let's just end this.

    [00:15:43] Deja Harford: And they didn't think that I had any like the intellect or anything associated with questioning them because you're a doctor, right? So it's just this is what I said, stay in your lane, you're coming to me and I said, do this and follow suit. But they haven't met Deja before then.

    [00:16:00] Deja Harford: And that was not gonna happen. Not today. Yeah, not today. They're gonna learn today. You know what I mean? That was one of those moments. Ok. And again, it went on for days and I'm not, I wasn't really sure what to do. Not as far as like terminating, but now I'm like, I have to try to find like another facility.

    [00:16:18] Deja Harford: And then it was just hard to try to get appointments because, the population's so many people out there. So it was just difficult to try to even get an appointment, but Right. Prenatal for anything.

    [00:16:27] Dr. Jill Baker: What did your, what did your husband think about. That response and that the

    [00:16:34] Deja Harford: treatment.

    [00:16:35] Deja Harford: And he's a lot more quiet than I am, so he's more it doesn't make sense, but he couldn't fathom Why would they suggest something? Just cause, so it's just oh, maybe there is something they, they're not saying. I said if there is something that they need to say as opposed to, I'm not gonna try to be mind readers of them.

    [00:16:54] Deja Harford: As to what's happening, right? Yeah, so that was that. I was, fighting that battle. So there wasn't then a week or so past, so now it's probably, I don't know, week four or five, maybe five. Then I was having like, some discomfort, so I was like, okay, I don't know what this is, so let me go.

    [00:17:12] Deja Harford: But I didn't trust them now. But now I don't have a doctor, so where do I go? So I go to the emergency room, right? I'm like, I don't have, no, okay. I didn't have, I didn't have anybody to go to. I didn't, I wasn't going to call them up because I really didn't trust them and.

    [00:17:24] Dr. Jill Baker: And that's another reason why so many of us young people of color you don't trust your doctor then that's why you end up at the er.

    [00:17:33] Deja Harford: Absolutely. And that's and what I did. That's not where you need to be. That's not where you're supposed to be, in these types of situations. No. And I was just like, you know what? I'm, I have nowhere to go. No one's gonna just take me in as a walk-in patient, because it's I'm being treated somewhere else. So they're gonna say, go to your doctor. So I go into the, I went to the hospital that was assigned to the doctors were associated with, and I said, lemme test out the doctors actually in the hospital. Maybe I'll try to see what they're like, and I go there and they're running all these different tests. And then they come back and they're like whispering. They're looking at the doing a sauna. And they're looking, they're calling people in come. And I'm there in the room okay, hello, is everything okay? What is this?

    [00:18:14] Deja Harford: Yeah. And they're calling all these doctors in, so his doctors is probably like nine, maybe three or four people in the room at this time. They're calling everyone in, but they're not saying anything to my husband. This is odd. And I said, okay, what's up? And then they said oh no, everything's okay.

    [00:18:31] Deja Harford: I said, okay, so what is the problem? Because you're speaking, oh, no, it's just that we see two. And that's how I found that I was having. See, yeah. Yes. That's how I found out. And I was like, wait, what? And it was just like twins. And so I pretty much saw the entire process of it. Like it was just a gestational stack.

    [00:18:56] Deja Harford: And then they would still do the things. They're like the yolks not there. We don't see the fetuses. It was just weird. Like you're seeing the whole process of sci science is amazing, isn't it? Yes, it's right. And just like the body and all these different things. And we saw all those stages.

    [00:19:09] Deja Harford: So once I confirmed I saw that I was having these twins, I was like, I'm never going back to that facility that was going to, and I then facilitated my own transfer to another hospital or another facility in Long Island. Cause I was right, like where I lived in Brooklyn was right at the border, like it was probably, it was easier to get for me to get to the Long Island Hospital than it would've been to the Brooklyn Hospital. Isn't that Wow. Just wild. And they were like can't facilitate your own transfer. A doctor has to do this. I said, okay. Hi. I'm Deja so we're gonna work again. Again. So sorry.

    [00:19:44] Deja Harford: No, let's just try to figure this out. What is it that you need? And yeah, I facilitate. I said I I'm going. They'll probably classify me as high risk because of. The fact they're carrying multiples. You should be. And so I said, okay and I did the transfer and then I went to Long Island and then everything was amazing from there.

    [00:20:02] Deja Harford: Oh my gosh. In the Long Island facility. And I guess the reason why, another reason I bring up the race thing in that community, I guess now that I was in Long Island, a certain community, I guess they looked at me differently, even though still melanated didn't have that.

    [00:20:15] Dr. Jill Baker: But they, but those doctors just saw you and for them it was just like, this could be another baby that the world doesn't need because black and brown babies are expendable. Absolutely

    [00:20:32] Deja Harford: not mine. That was not gonna happen.

    [00:20:34] Dr. Jill Baker: Yes, but I think it's a great story because, and it's powerful because advocacy is. Critical.

    [00:20:45] Dr. Jill Baker: Absolutely. If we don't advocate for ourselves. Especially in a pregnancy situation, prenatal once we're before, during it we will just your you wouldn't have had your twins. Exactly. They wouldn't be

    [00:21:04] Deja Harford: here. Exactly. Advocacy is important and a lot of people do not know that.

    [00:21:11] Deja Harford: They have the right to tell the doctors they're not doing something. You have the right to look for another doctor and

    [00:21:17] Dr. Jill Baker: you have the right to look for another doctor. Okay.

    [00:21:23] Deja Harford: Everybody we said it,

    [00:21:27] Deja Harford: that's what it is. Now, granted, I'm not in the medical field per se, but you, I am a therapist, and I even explained to like my clients that like. If it isn't working right. My intentions are you're coming here and you're motivated, but if it isn't working I'm not, I shouldn't be a barrier to your treatment.

    [00:21:43] Deja Harford: You know what, look somewhere else, I'll help you, go and help and find that, cause this isn't about me, this is about your care. And that's what it is. And you're just like, oh, I didn't know, if I'm assigned to you no. You have the and I'm going to re reiterate that right to

    [00:21:57] Dr. Jill Baker: you.

    [00:21:57] Dr. Jill Baker: Do you think that you are purposely more conscious about that approach with your clients since you had that first experience yourself, of the, racism and discrimination at the ho at the first

    [00:22:14] Deja Harford: practice? Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I think all of my life experiences and those things, like I have been humbled by them.

    [00:22:20] Deja Harford: It's okay, everyone. Is not me and going to speak up for themselves and being able to do that. So I like to ex describe myself. I'm the voice for the people, I like to speak for those who don't have the voice I've heard. And yeah. So that's, but absolutely, that's why I express that and I, and empower my clients.

    [00:22:40] Deja Harford: And because then it's important, like your voice matters

    [00:22:44] Dr. Jill Baker: and, and if people don't know, let me make another connection in this whole thing. It's that black women who are highly educated, we have the worst birth outcomes. And we have some of the worst experiences, infertility experiences, prenatal experiences while we're pregnant, and then af and after.

    [00:23:10] Dr. Jill Baker: Wow. And I think that's al also because people don't ex don't know what to do. When we know what

    [00:23:19] Deja Harford: we're talking about. They're like wait, how did happen? Cause I read a book, take your head and go.

    [00:23:26] Dr. Jill Baker: Oh. Cause I did some research, so I don't know. So this makes me think about, I don't know if I ever talked about this on the, my last show.

    [00:23:36] Dr. Jill Baker: I don't know. But it's a little similar in that it was, I had an experience when I was actually pregnant with the twins. Okay. And we're gonna talk about, I want us to talk a little bit about our experiences, like first trimester, second. Ok. Ok. But lemme give a picture of first trimester.

    [00:23:59] Dr. Jill Baker: I was very sick. My first trimester. I was vomiting every single day. I was even on Zofran and I was still vomiting up until

    [00:24:11] Deja Harford: like you were vomiting up the Zofran. So that Yes,

    [00:24:15] Dr. Jill Baker: everybody, I was still vomiting on Zofran. Wow. Up to week 22. Oh, wow. Still vomiting on the, with the medicine that's supposed to help me not vomit.

    [00:24:26] Dr. Jill Baker: So that's how sick I was, lost my appetite. First trimester. First trimester. I wasn't like eating meat, like I was just like, meat made me, just couldn't touch it, couldn't cook it. So I started eating like tofu and like brown rice crackers and then, and stuff like that. But when I could eat, I was just make myself eat.

    [00:24:47] Dr. Jill Baker: And I think it was like maybe week, I don't remember week maybe week. Penn or something like that. Cuz I remember writing in my journal about this story. So my nurse practitioner, who I loved and she was a black woman and I went to Penn. And Penn at the Penn practice, they rotated providers. So you didn't have the same provider like every single time you were at your, doctor's appointment.

    [00:25:15] Dr. Jill Baker: And people, if you don't know when you're pregnant with twins or multiples, you're at the doctor.

    [00:25:20] Deja Harford: At the doctor. You live there. No. Get a room. Get a room.

    [00:25:26] Dr. Jill Baker: You have a fridge because you're hungry all the time. Everybody knows you, the lab people know you like, oh, you're back. How you doing? How you feeling?

    [00:25:37] Dr. Jill Baker: Oh, yeah. So everybody knows you there, you're there all the time. So you better like it because you're there all the time. And if you don't, that's another reason to leave. Okay. But I'm moving on too much. So this nurse practitioner, she said to me, I had gained maybe six pounds in a week or something, six or seven pounds.

    [00:25:55] Dr. Jill Baker: And she said to me, she was like, Jill you really need to slow down. You gain like a lot of weight in one week and you're small. And she was like, you don't wanna gain like a whole lot of weight. So I said to her, I said, number one, I said, I'm pregnant with twins. Okay? Absolutely. I'm

    [00:26:17] Deja Harford: hungry. Okay,

    [00:26:18] Dr. Jill Baker: let me eat.

    [00:26:18] Dr. Jill Baker: So when I'm hungry, If I am hungry, I'm going to eat. I'm going to eat. Yep. I'm sorry. There's two of them. You don't know what that feels like. Yep. Unless you've been pregnant with multiples. The hunger, like it's no joke. It's a real, so I said, and I've been sick most of the time. I said I've been sick, I've been vomiting.

    [00:26:41] Dr. Jill Baker: And I said, and I also know that I said I can gain up to four 40 pounds, like that's the average weight for a twin pregnancy. Even with, she was like you're, you are petite and you are small, and so you have to be careful with how much weight you're gonna pack on. So I said, first of all, I said, in addition to that, I said, the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I said, it is just gonna be a water.

    [00:27:08] Dr. Jill Baker: I'm not gonna gain any weight. So I said, so I gotta get as much weight, let

    [00:27:13] Deja Harford: me live

    [00:27:14] Dr. Jill Baker: and get, I'm gonna have that milkshake. I'm gonna have that double cheeseburger.

    [00:27:20] Deja Harford: Why not?

    [00:27:22] Dr. Jill Baker: And I think I cried, I probably cried, cause of the hormones. And I was like, how dare she say that to me?

    [00:27:29] Dr. Jill Baker: So now people, how many pounds do you think I gained? Wow. 40 did you?

    [00:27:37] Deja Harford: Exactly. Nice. Same here. Same. See? Same. Yeah, same. And you're taller than me. Yep. And I, yep. I 40 pounds. And it's so funny cuz people like they think you have to couple Double the weight because you're having twins. No. Now no people no.

    [00:27:53] Deja Harford: That's a misconception. That's a lie.

    [00:27:56] Dr. Jill Baker: A lie. People. That's a lie. Nobody said that. No, we're not saying that either.

    [00:28:01] Deja Harford: We're not saying that. Don't do that. But I did hear that lie. Oh don't you have to gain double the weight. I'm like no. Because I average is what? 30, right? Is it 30 or something like that?

    [00:28:12] Deja Harford: Yes.

    [00:28:12] Dr. Jill Baker: It's like 35. 30, yes. Remember Singleton is a

    [00:28:15] Deja Harford: difference. Singleton. Singleton is difference. Yes.

    [00:28:17] Dr. Jill Baker: So you gotta know. You gotta know the difference. Yes. Absolutely. But again, if we're smart intelligent women. Yep. We know how to do read, do our research. Absolutely. Read some books.

    [00:28:31] Dr. Jill Baker: Talk, talk to some people. We will know this information. And I didn't gain, as I said to her at that week 10 appointment, I didn't gain any weight. The last. Four weeks of my pregnancy. Oh, okay. It was all water. I couldn't ve my feet, my, so again, we're not talking about saying all that to say it's okay to talk for yourself is okay to advocate for yourself.

    [00:28:58] Dr. Jill Baker: It's okay to, you don't always have to agree with what your healthcare provider

    [00:29:03] Deja Harford: says. That is true. And I It's okay. It's absolutely imperative. It's necessary cuz it can be life-threatening if you don't question them at times. Or Right. They could have been gone, they couldn't just take them back.

    [00:29:15] Deja Harford: Exactly. And who knows what that procedure would've left me.

    [00:29:19] Dr. Jill Baker: Or what if we didn't, if you didn't pack on that weight, in order to have, a, a full term pregnancy. Absolutely. Because every day I was like, I knew I was like, I knew one of them could pass. Yep.

    [00:29:34] Dr. Jill Baker: And I talked to so many people who lo, who lost one of who lost a twin. Wow. So it was like every day it's this is a this is like life and death.

    [00:29:44] Deja Harford: Absolutely. It is. I remember from 23 weeks they told me that, I don't know, do you recall when they told you? They're like, oh, you're at 23 weeks now.

    [00:29:52] Deja Harford: So one, you can haves labor at any point now I said

    [00:30:03] Dr. Jill Baker: percentage of the probability that if the babies come this week Yes. Of them living or dying and

    [00:30:12] Deja Harford: Yes. Whatever. But I found out the sex of mine at 14 weeks. You did very early. Very early. I found out, cuz you know, as you said, now we knew. I I feel like I was pregnant from like day one.

    [00:30:24] Deja Harford: I went through the entire stage. I felt

    [00:30:25] Dr. Jill Baker: all the same thing happened to me too, because as soon as we had the, i, it was, clo and insemination. Literally two weeks to the day I got inseminated, we were pregnant. And then we actually got inseminated on our anniversary. Oh. And had the twin got pregnant with the twins, and then the twins were Gamal's birthday present.

    [00:30:49] Dr. Jill Baker: My, my positive peace stick like yours. But I had no positive P sticks. And then this one, just like you said, it was like a little bit of pee. Popping. It was no question. No. I was like,

    [00:31:07] Deja Harford: oh my God, that's so funny, Jill. Now you just added something else to a similarity that you and I have.

    [00:31:14] Deja Harford: It's almost freaky. Cause you say on your anniversary, that's when like for, it wasn't for the twins, but for my last meeting it was, he was an anniversary baby. That was on the calendar. Date of conception was my anniversary. This is crazy.

    [00:31:33] Dr. Jill Baker: My mind, I'm just, I can't believe this.

    [00:31:39] Dr. Jill Baker: Everybody can't see. I'm in shock right now. It's good vibes.

    [00:31:45] Deja Harford: That's there's a lot of things going so.

    [00:31:50] Dr. Jill Baker: I actually, we went out to celebrate and I was partying and having a couple of drinks. And I was like, oh my gosh, what am I, what if I'm pregnant? I'm gonna hurt these babies.

    [00:32:00] Dr. Jill Baker: So I remember saying to myself, I was like, baby, if you're in there, mommy, sorry, but I have to

    [00:32:11] Dr. Jill Baker: anniversary. And then it was two, it goes,

    [00:32:14] Deja Harford: two it snap and that's that. Yep. That's, yeah. So like I said, so we found out 14 weeks, they found out maybe a first. Oh. Cause like I was saying, I didn't wanna find out. I had no interest. Okay.

    [00:32:27] Dr. Jill Baker: So you have to tell me why. Yeah. Why you all chose to not found out.

    [00:32:31] Dr. Jill Baker: I'm very intrigued by this. I

    [00:32:32] Deja Harford: didn't, I never wanted to find out cause I just wanted to, I don't know, fantasy. As storylines like as you're young, you're watching movies and people are like, oh, what is it in the delivery room? What is it? What is it? So it was like that element of surprise.

    [00:32:45] Deja Harford: But once I found out there were twins, I was like, no, that's way too much planning. So I, I can't, yeah, I cannot know. My husband was never wit not knowing, but now he once he saw I was on board, cause I was like, okay with the twins, fine, we'll figure it out. And 14 weeks when they were doing the scans, cuz as you said, we live in a doctor's at this point, right?

    [00:33:07] Deja Harford: Like you live in a doctor's office and once you're carrying multiples, so you're there all the time and. They saw baby A first and they were like, we know Baby A is a girl. So I was like, you know what? I don't even care what Baby B is. Cause my thing was ok. I'm like whatever. I was good.

    [00:33:24] Deja Harford: And at that time, they couldn't tell what Baby B was. They're like, we're not sure. Maybe we're not sure, but we definitely know Baby A is a girl. And I was like, whatever. And then I found out him, actually at 17 weeks, I found out that Baby B was a boy and confirmed that Baby A was a girl. Oh my goodness. So

    [00:33:45] Dr. Jill Baker: yeah, we found out at 20, yeah, 20, 20 week scan.

    [00:33:50] Dr. Jill Baker: Long hour plus. But I knew that, okay, my, my gut told me it was gonna be a boy and a girl. And so I was, my gut was right. And then they said Gemma was, they didn't have names. Baby A was a girl and then Baby B was the boy. And Nice. Yeah. And then they were like baby is gonna come out first.

    [00:34:11] Dr. Jill Baker: I was like, oh, okay. Okay. And Gem. Oh my God. But Gem, oh my God. Gemma, she just hurt me so much. Did she? She just kicked like she was a kicker. And she would kick me like up in my rib gauge. Yeah. Not, and I would cry. Aw, that was my baby. She

    [00:34:32] Deja Harford: wanted to get out. She still out.

    [00:34:36] Dr. Jill Baker: She like, I'm cool with this.

    [00:34:38] Dr. Jill Baker: Can we just get this moving? And she's still that's her personality

    [00:34:42] Deja Harford: now. That's funny. No, my baby was chill and she's still pretty chill now. She can have her turnups, but she's still pretty chill. And it was Baby B who?

    [00:34:52] Dr. Jill Baker: See, that's interesting. So we have a little flip with that. You have flip there because Gavin is the chill one.

    [00:34:57] Dr. Jill Baker: Oh, baby B. And he had no room. So he kept, at the end, my, the end, like third trimester, he kept like flipping up and down because he was running outta space cuz Gemma was sticking up all

    [00:35:11] Deja Harford: the space. You, that's and that's another interesting thing cause say my baby B was flipping at 37 weeks, that was Gavin to reach.

    [00:35:19] Deja Harford: But prior to that they said they're not moving anywhere because there's no space. This is what they were saying to me, there's no space. He can't move. She can't, they can't move. There's just two, two close. Whatever. He was like, yeah, watch me. And that turned, I don't know if that happened in I mean I didn't feel it with my, yeah.

    [00:35:36] Deja Harford: I didn't feel baby. No. But his turn, no. I felt his turn. Oh my God. I felt like I was ripping open. It was the worst pain. Oh my.

    [00:35:43] Dr. Jill Baker: I didn't feel Gavin turn. Oh my

    [00:35:45] Deja Harford: God. I didn't know he was turning until I went to doctor and they found out, he, I said, oh, that was that pain that I was having. It felt like my skin was ripping apart.

    [00:35:54] Deja Harford: It was like, I was like, ah. Yeah, it was very intense. It was like a burning sensation. Okay. It was not fun. And then when I went for the visit, cuz you go in every week or twice a week or whatever.

    [00:36:05] Dr. Jill Baker: Did you have to do, did, were you doing stress tests? Yes.

    [00:36:09] Deja Harford: Yeah. Yep. Then had to do all the stress tests and stuff, and I said overall the pregnancy went pretty well.

    [00:36:16] Deja Harford: I must say I felt decent pre throughout. I mean there was, has ups and downs, with. Torture. The different cravings I guess, or stuff, like regular things. But I don't really recall. Oh no, I'm lying. I had the palpitations and feeling like I was gonna faint like every other, oh.

    [00:36:32] Deja Harford: It was a time span of that happening.

    [00:36:33] Dr. Jill Baker: Oh wow.

    [00:36:36] Deja Harford: Yes. See? Didn't bring me back. See, this is almost 10 years ago. I know. But

    [00:36:40] Dr. Jill Baker: see, he were like, you don't forget them. Yeah. Yep. That's true. That, yeah, I remember the back pain.

    [00:36:47] Deja Harford: And sciatica, pain. Yep. The sciatica. Oh my. Yes. And I'll have the trolley, horses.

    [00:36:51] Deja Harford: I'll tell my husband, I said, punch me, beat the hell out. He's woman hit. I said hit me. So you

    [00:36:57] Dr. Jill Baker: got the Charlie

    [00:36:57] Deja Harford: horses too? Yes. Yes. Those are intenses. So did on in the pregnancy, but yeah.

    [00:37:04] Dr. Jill Baker: Not fun. And there were days Gamal wasn't with me and I would get them. I'd be like, I needed you. I had another

    [00:37:11] Deja Harford: horse.

    [00:37:13] Deja Harford: Where were you?

    [00:37:15] Dr. Jill Baker: The pillows didn't really work. Keep your legs. I'm like, those pillows didn't work. Nope. That whole full body pillow. Pillow had that. Nope. Nope. The pillow

    [00:37:25] Deja Harford: under punch. Hit me. Do something. You need to do something. Take this leg out. Oh, I'm giving you permission. So I don't

    [00:37:34] Dr. Jill Baker: know if you had this.

    [00:37:35] Dr. Jill Baker: So towards the end, I think 37 weeks. So my legs just s sw up and my feet so much couldn't fit into my shoes. And then I got a rash on my

    [00:37:51] Deja Harford: stomach. No, I didn't get any rashes. The swelling on my feet the night before. Horrible rash. No rash on my tummy.

    [00:38:00] Dr. Jill Baker: Oh, wow.

    [00:38:01] Deja Harford: It was so bad. Was it like really itchy? Cause I know I had like other people that they're like, oh, it's just itchy.

    [00:38:06] Deja Harford: You wanna rip your skin off? Type itch. Yes.

    [00:38:07] Dr. Jill Baker: That's what it was.

    [00:38:08] Deja Harford: Yes. Wow. No, I didn't have that. I couldn't,

    [00:38:13] Dr. Jill Baker: I had to get like this specific wash for my stomach for the last,

    [00:38:19] Deja Harford: it was so constant. Like it wouldn't go away. It wouldn't go away.

    [00:38:22] Dr. Jill Baker: Oh, no. The last few weeks, I think the last month, no.

    [00:38:27] Dr. Jill Baker: Because I went in the hospital at week 30, week 37.

    [00:38:32] Deja Harford: Oh, okay. Okay. Yep. I had them. I was 30, 37, 5. Oh my God. Me, shut up. Wait a minute. Shut up.

    [00:38:47] Dr. Jill Baker: Oh no. This is too freaking.

    [00:38:51] Deja Harford: That's Are you serious? I'm serious.

    [00:38:55] Dr. Jill Baker: My

    [00:38:56] Deja Harford: you remember? Yes. You remember. Oh my gosh. It was just Yes. So much.

    [00:39:02] Deja Harford: Yes. And like I said, I really remember because at 23 weeks when they tell me any day now, I was like, Uhuh we are not doing this oh, no. Yes. So yeah, that's yeah, that's, I can't believe that. Okay.

    [00:39:14] Dr. Jill Baker: But it took forever for them to come out. So I was supposed to be trying to have a vaginal delivery that didn't happen.

    [00:39:23] Dr. Jill Baker: And then it ended up being a c-section. And then we were in the hospital for almost a week after that. Oh, after?

    [00:39:32] Deja Harford: Yep. So how was your experience? How was, what was your experience like with doctors?

    [00:39:36] Dr. Jill Baker: I, overall, I would say my, I had pretty good experience. I felt I had pretty good experiences.

    [00:39:41] Dr. Jill Baker: I don't, besides the thing with the food there wasn't anything that really stood out. I remember when they were recommending to have a C-section and I was like, I don't, I really wanna try to have a vaginal delivery. And they were like, really pushing a C-section. And then I was, started crying cuz I was like, I don't,

    [00:40:04] Dr. Jill Baker: I'm like, that's what I envision life. That's,

    [00:40:18] Dr. Jill Baker: Then, but they were like, oh, but it's safer for the babies if you do. And so I still tried to get them out naturally.

    [00:40:27] Deja Harford: Okay, so you didn't listen initial initially you could like, I'm gonna still do what I wanna do. It was horrible. It was horrible because

    [00:40:35] Dr. Jill Baker: then I learned that I don't labor.

    [00:40:39] Dr. Jill Baker: Oh, how, oh, okay. So third and about 36 hours of Pitocin every medication. I only dilated two, two symptoms. Oh, wow. In a day and a half. Oh, wow. Okay. And then I said, enough.

    [00:41:01] Deja Harford: Okay, so you said enough? I said enough. Okay, nice. So the doctors didn't just say, this is what's gonna happen.

    [00:41:07] Dr. Jill Baker: At that point I said, please get these babies outta me.

    [00:41:11] Dr. Jill Baker: Okay. Please. And I was starving and I couldn't eat.

    [00:41:16] Deja Harford: Oh, that's right. Oh, I'm like, what? Wait a minute, what idea was that? What

    [00:41:21] Dr. Jill Baker: do you mean I can't eat? No, you can't. What?

    [00:41:29] Deja Harford: I

    [00:41:29] Dr. Jill Baker: still have two babies in here. Yeah, exactly.

    [00:41:32] Deja Harford: They ain't come out yet. So they're used to a

    [00:41:34] Dr. Jill Baker: eat a steak and a half. We every two backwards

    [00:41:40] Deja Harford: That's, after talking about eating and stuff, after I had them, the only thing I to go with in the hospital, I didn't see the baby, the babies, and it, there was no complications.

    [00:41:50] Deja Harford: Everything was like, fine. Oh, that's beautiful. It's beautiful. And they, it was like maybe an hour after I initially saw them. Then they went to nursery and I was in recovery. They went they did whatever they were doing with them. And I'm like, it was like an hour or plus. Maybe even two hours.

    [00:42:08] Deja Harford: I didn't see them. Oh yeah. Yeah. And then I'm like, on some other floor and they went somewhere, but they were never in the nicu, so I don't know where they went. So they probably were in the

    [00:42:18] Dr. Jill Baker: nursery.

    [00:42:19] Deja Harford: Yeah. They said they, I was asking, I was like where are they? Oh, we'll bring them. You could just rest.

    [00:42:24] Deja Harford: We'll bring them to Yeah.

    [00:42:24] Dr. Jill Baker: Cuz they want you to rest. Yeah. They

    [00:42:26] Deja Harford: want you to, honey. Yes. But that's not, again, that's not almost like in the movies, they be throwing people on them and then you just keep it moving.

    [00:42:31] Dr. Jill Baker: That's not planned. That doesn't always Yeah, no, you're right. That doesn't, that didn't, well lemme think, but the twins, I know, I remember taking some pictures with them.

    [00:42:40] Dr. Jill Baker: But then I was so delusional that, oh,

    [00:42:42] Deja Harford: I don't remember. You put in some time at that point you said 36 hours of Yeah. All.

    [00:42:47] Dr. Jill Baker: Yeah. So my first question was, when can I eat? I got it.

    [00:42:54] Dr. Jill Baker: And I'm not lying. That was my first question. And they gave me ice chips. They were like you can't eat for 12 hours. I was like, excuse me. Really? Oh. They were like, but you can have these ice chips. Yeah. No,

    [00:43:06] Deja Harford: You're like, no, I'm gonna eat. I'm gonna eat now. Then don't celebratory, don't they? The they give, they don't do that.

    [00:43:15] Deja Harford: The celebratory

    [00:43:16] Dr. Jill Baker: what? Dinner? Oh

    [00:43:18] Deja Harford: No. Oh. Like the night, the same day you get like the, you get like steak and lo like you had you that

    [00:43:26] Dr. Jill Baker: you got steak and lobster.

    [00:43:27] Deja Harford: Yes, I got lobster special and champagne. That was, I'm right. Lemme shut up. That was, that's not what happens. I thought that's what happens.

    [00:43:40] Dr. Jill Baker: Do you know what? You wanna know what I got?

    [00:43:44] Deja Harford: I got soup. That's funny. Oh no. It wasn't every day now, but just the day of. That's a celebratory dinner. They said,

    [00:43:53] Dr. Jill Baker: because I had a c-section. I could not eat for 12 hours. And then they were like, your first meal has to

    [00:44:01] Deja Harford: be soup. Yes. Slow. Get into it. Yes.

    [00:44:06] Dr. Jill Baker: But let tell you something, that soup was the best soup.

    [00:44:15] Deja Harford: That is funny. So

    [00:44:17] Dr. Jill Baker: for the, those of you who don't know, you wanna have a C you have a C-section. You can't just eat right after you have a baby. And you can't just eat what you want. You gotta have

    [00:44:29] Deja Harford: soup. Soup. But they, okay. So even if it's not that same night they're supposed to be, I didn't get, celebrate

    [00:44:36] Dr. Jill Baker: none of that together.

    [00:44:37] Dr. Jill Baker: I didn't get champagne. I didn't get a, I

    [00:44:39] Deja Harford: love lot of champagne and we had lots. And then like I said, when I had my other one, same. Really? They gave shrimp. Yeah. Like some type of With Jonathan. Same thing. Yeah. Same thing. Yeah. No.

    [00:44:56] Dr. Jill Baker: No. Oops. But I do. But but with Amari, he, that baby was with me the whole time, but right after, even though I had to see, he was with me pretty quickly after, but I, Amari, I nursed him. The twins, I couldn't nurse like I tried. Okay. But I tried for a couple weeks, but my milk didn't really come in.

    [00:45:16] Deja Harford: No I nursed them and I, that was another reason why I was like asking for them.

    [00:45:19] Deja Harford: Cause I'm like, I want to know. They're like,

    [00:45:21] Dr. Jill Baker: oh yeah. Ok. Then they shouldn have been,

    [00:45:24] Deja Harford: they said they'll survive on brown fat. I ain't never hear that before, but apparently that's like a thing. Like babies have I guess like after birth or while they're in the womb, there's, they survive off of this thing called brown fat.

    [00:45:38] Deja Harford: I don't know what that is. But they said that they were okay with not eating. And they wanted you

    [00:45:42] Dr. Jill Baker: to, they wanted you to rest.

    [00:45:45] Deja Harford: They wanted me to rest, but yes, I'm already at that point in my mind like, rest never was going to come again. Cause I knew Oh, you knew that. You knew that. I accepted that.

    [00:45:56] Deja Harford: I'm like, listen.

    [00:45:57] Dr. Jill Baker: You have been telling yourself for you mentally prepared yourself a while ago,

    [00:46:02] Deja Harford: so that's just Yeah. What it is. Yeah. But yes I was able to nurse them.

    [00:46:08] Dr. Jill Baker: Oh, that's Beau. That's beautiful. That's beautiful.

    [00:46:11] Deja Harford: Yeah, it was interesting at

    [00:46:13] two.

    [00:46:13] Dr. Jill Baker: Yeah. But the, did you have the double pillow?

    [00:46:16] Deja Harford: Yeah, I did have the pillow. Yeah, I did, I did use the pillow. Sometimes I just put them like in a football hold. Yeah. Depending on what was more comfortable for it. But yeah. But after I, did you lose a lot of weight after

    [00:46:28] Dr. Jill Baker: you had them? No, because I wasn't nursing.

    [00:46:31] Deja Harford: Oh. I looked sick. Like I was nursing so much cuz they were like nice and plump.

    [00:46:35] Deja Harford: The kids. They were right. They were, it was six seven and six 14. Oh my gosh. Wow. So I had a whole lot of babies when I was Right. And again, like I said, I gained 40 pounds throughout the pregnancy, but, and they lost it very quickly maybe cuz of, from the breastfeeding and so much.

    [00:46:52] Deja Harford: Yeah. Two of them at the same time, high, like within the first month or two, I lost 60 pounds. It was, I looked so cream. Wow. It was just, I was like like they, they had taken everything out of me. I just looked, I looked wild. I was never that some time. Yeah. I was tiny. I just looked, I looked what I was like, I don't even know how they're surviving because there's nothing, I feel like I'm drained.

    [00:47:19] Deja Harford: Yeah. But like I said, that was a,

    [00:47:22] Dr. Jill Baker: the cool experience with that. Yeah. Gavin and Gemma, one of them, one of them was five pounds, four ounces. One of them was five pounds, three. I don't remember who was what. So they were, yeah, they were tiny. They were tiny. But they were good weights.

    [00:47:34] Deja Harford: Yes. They were good weights. That's not like too tiny. That's not keeping in you and can't home right home. Not at all. Yeah.

    [00:47:41] Dr. Jill Baker: No. Nice. See, so that eating I was right. You telling me not to eat?

    [00:47:46] Deja Harford: Absolutely.

    [00:47:48] Dr. Jill Baker: Cause that's, it's, you think about when you're pregnant with multiples, you think every, all the time constantly are, my baby's gonna be in the nicu.

    [00:47:57] Dr. Jill Baker: I'm gonna be, that's just a

    [00:47:58] Deja Harford: real Yep.

    [00:48:00] Dr. Jill Baker: That is a real constant thought. Yeah. You have to semi plan that might happen.

    [00:48:06] Deja Harford: And maybe one and not oh one and not the other. And so preparing for that also. Yeah. Yeah. That was definitely,

    [00:48:13] Dr. Jill Baker: What happened? So many things happened in that week.

    [00:48:16] Dr. Jill Baker: We were in the hospital, one of them, I don't, oh, Gemma turned blue and Gaal saw after delivery yeah. Like the next day or something. And Gaal saw like her turn purple and he like picked her up and ran her to the nursing station. I was like, my baby turning purple. Yep. Oh my goodness. That happened to her.

    [00:48:38] Dr. Jill Baker: And then she was Okay. And then Gavin over

    [00:48:40] Deja Harford: here and this happened, oh my God.

    [00:48:43] Dr. Jill Baker: And then Gavin. The day we were supposed to leave, his temperature dropped significantly. So they were like, now he has to stay here. Oh. Cause they want, keep him on the warmer. And they were like you all can still, leave and leave him here and come back.

    [00:49:01] Dr. Jill Baker: We were like yeah,

    [00:49:02] Deja Harford: no. Oh, I was about to say, did you, I was gonna say, how was that? Absolutely

    [00:49:05] Dr. Jill Baker: not leaving. We're not leaving our baby. What? They let you stay, we say another day.

    [00:49:13] Deja Harford: Okay. Again, advocacy, right? Cause another person would've just been like what? I gotta go home. I gotta go.

    [00:49:18] Deja Harford: Okay. Bye Uhuh.

    [00:49:20] Dr. Jill Baker: Give me another meal. Free meal all in. Yep.

    [00:49:24] Deja Harford: Thank you. Me. Another soup. Bring another soup. Yeah,

    [00:49:26] Dr. Jill Baker: so another soup or whatever I was eating at that point, hopefully it was a cheeseburger or something. Wow. But I say then, but if you yeah, because I didn't nurse them.

    [00:49:36] Dr. Jill Baker: It took me like four years to get back to my normal weight. Okay. A minute. I say to anybody, Multiples, whatever Singleton nursing you tried, it's like

    [00:49:48] Deja Harford: we were vessels of holding life. You know what I mean? Exactly. It's what it's what

    [00:49:51] Dr. Jill Baker: its, yep. It's what, no judgment, no.

    [00:49:54] Dr. Jill Baker: Feel guilty. I have people say crazy, how could you not breastfeed your kid? I carry them. I delivered them. They're here. Yep. I don't I'm taking care of them that I don't have to do

    [00:50:07] Deja Harford: anything else. You I to do anything else. People are very judgy and even though I did breastfeed.

    [00:50:12] Deja Harford: I did, I was almost like offended when people would praise me for breastfeeding. That was bothersome for me. Yeah. I'm just like, That's not cool. It's everybody is not as easy for everyone and okay, yeah, I'm doing it, but that doesn't mean that I need you to say oh, this is great.

    [00:50:28] Deja Harford: Oh, that's why. Oh, that's why they're so plumped, or no. Let's not do that. Because they may do it around people who had children as well and may have had difficulty with breastfeeding. Nursing, yeah. And all these different things. Like I said I'm for the people, even if it's not about me directly, like that's not my issue.

    [00:50:45] Deja Harford: Exactly. I'm like, it we don't have to talk about that. Just leave that whatever. So that, that is, it isn't cool. Like we're all doing the best that we can with what we have, and that's what it's Right,

    [00:50:55] Dr. Jill Baker: And I, yeah, and I was able to n to Nurse Samari, and that was a great ex.

    [00:51:00] Dr. Jill Baker: I didn't get to do it as long as I wanted to, but it was a great experience. And then, so now I have two different experiences.

    [00:51:06] Deja Harford: Yeah, I was with Jonathan also. I was over it with him though. At some point those, I think I started ween that pregnancy was a lot different than the twin pregnancy.

    [00:51:20] Deja Harford: But for me, I think it was a lot more challenging with him. I think the pregnancy was a lot more challenging and he's just Wow. The last one, that's

    [00:51:31] Dr. Jill Baker: how they

    [00:51:32] Deja Harford: met me. Yeah. It was just it was different.

    [00:51:35] Dr. Jill Baker: We're here with a mission. They

    [00:51:38] Deja Harford: are a lot. Yes. Period. Yeah. Yeah. Period. That's it.

    [00:51:44] Deja Harford: That's it.

    [00:51:45] Dr. Jill Baker: Yeah. My pregnancy with Amari was easier than the twins. But yeah. But he, but he's a lot. They're a lot and he's a lot. No,

    [00:51:55] Deja Harford: they're own way. They're all a lot. They're all a lot. That's thing. But I'm like, with him, I can't, I don't know if it's like you're just over it, maybe if that adds to. You're like, this

    [00:52:13] Dr. Jill Baker: Is the last

    [00:52:14] Deja Harford: one, Uhhuh. I dunno.

    [00:52:17] Dr. Jill Baker: But yeah, I'm like, come on, third one, let's get it together. What was happening? Okay. So two, just two more questions. So one, since we've been talk about twins, what do you think is maybe the most the most or the most common misconception about maybe one being pregnant with them?

    [00:52:42] Dr. Jill Baker: And then maybe two, when they're first here, their first couple of years of life.

    [00:52:49] Deja Harford: Ah, there's a, there's many, but I can say, of more of one of the silly ones or things, or a common question that I had, which always was bothersome for me, were, oh, same here.

    [00:53:03] Dr. Jill Baker: Ok. We probably have

    [00:53:05] some

    [00:53:05] Deja Harford: similar ones.

    [00:53:06] Deja Harford: Were okay. They'll see them and it's okay. Oh, they're twins. Oh yeah. Oh, it's a boy and a girl. Okay. Are they identical?

    [00:53:14] Dr. Jill Baker: Yeah. Are they identical? Yep. That's the number one. I'm like, didn't I just said, Sandy, they're a boy and a girl. A boy and a girl.

    [00:53:25] Deja Harford: How are they identical? They cannot be identical.

    [00:53:29] Deja Harford: And I even had someone like follow up I'm like, the one's a boy and one's a girl. They're like, Uhhuh. I said, No, they're not identical people. Yeah. That, that, that

    [00:53:42] Dr. Jill Baker: wasn't it. More girl twins are

    [00:53:43] Deja Harford: not identical. They're not identical fraternal twins. They're fraternal twins. That's it. There's no more fraternal than a regular fraternal

    [00:53:53] Dr. Jill Baker: twins are not.

    [00:53:56] Deja Harford: Absolutely. And people, and they could be the same sex and be fraternal too as well. People. It doesn't, okay. That's that piece. Another thing is that cause they're twins, like as if they're not individuals. Yeah, absolutely. That's like a, that is like a thing. It's just you did this with that one.

    [00:54:13] Deja Harford: And even as like babies Seems like you fed this one more than you fed that one. What do you think? I'm trying to starve the other one. Like I, they, they didn't require that. So what do you mean? This is weird, cause they're basically two, they're two different children. They're no more, they were

    [00:54:34] Dr. Jill Baker: just in the

    [00:54:35] Deja Harford: womb at the same time.

    [00:54:36] Deja Harford: That's it. They're no more siblings than if they were singleton pregnancy. Exactly. And people don't understand that. Yes, I guess there is a bond I guess, that they will have because of that experience. And sometimes naturally they don't have that bond. And sometimes they don't have that bond.

    [00:54:49] Deja Harford: They have a bond by almost by manipulation. Because we're doing the same things at the same time. Yes. Cause that's it, right? It's like that's what it's, but so that's something that, if I'm gonna be honest, there was like a little bit of guilt that would go in it because people make you feel as if you're.

    [00:55:08] Deja Harford: Doing something wrong. Wrong. Yeah. And they're like, oh, they're twins and there's them being identified as the twins. I'm like, they, yes, but they have names. And creating like that, that, individuality, with that. So we have at have these twin cousins and they're not identical and they're grown women.

    [00:55:27] Deja Harford: They're like, they're probably like 40 or something like now. And they would just pe we're more than just the twins. Like people always saying like the twins we are whole people and we're adults. We're these babies. And you're just put into that realm. So just having to learn pretty much like on my own and really believe and have that understanding that they are two different people.

    [00:55:50] Deja Harford: Like I know that, but because they're grouped in as twins, is the fact that I can do something different from one than the other because they require different things and that's okay. That's something that just I had to learn because oh, did that. I can't go out with one without the other.

    [00:56:06] Deja Harford: Where's the other one? They're home. I have to go with both of them. Like, why? That's like a thing. Yes. So I would say that's the, those are one of those things that people just feel that they're the same and they're not, and they don't

    [00:56:20] Dr. Jill Baker: like that feeling either. They don't Absolutely.

    [00:56:23] Dr. Jill Baker: They don't like those expectations. Either. Yeah. Gavin Gemma said that all the time. They're like, we're different people. I don't know why people expect that. We would like the same things. You wanna do the same things and, yep. Yeah. Especially now that as they're getting older

    [00:56:38] Deja Harford: Yes. As they're getting older I think the same here.

    [00:56:40] Deja Harford: Like they're just, Polar opposites. They have something similarities, but they're siblings. So they're gonna have something. Exactly. And they're being raised in the same household and they're seeing the same different things, so Yes. But yeah, they're just different people.

    [00:56:56] Deja Harford: And I've learned to deal with them like accordingly. And not have the same expectation from one as they do the other. Cause that's not fair for them. And it's not fair for anyone, like in, in the situation. You just have to learn to deal with it.

    [00:57:08] Dr. Jill Baker: I'll give y'all a quick example.

    [00:57:09] Dr. Jill Baker: Gemma is a early riser. Like she's probably the first one to get up. She's always been like that since they were like three. A child will be up five, six o'clock in the morning. Oh, she still like that now. I told you that was her. She had. She had stuff to do. She had to get out cuz she's ready to get her life on, get her do this life thing.

    [00:57:38] Dr. Jill Baker: She's up every, she has no problems getting up. Gavin cannot get up to save his life. So we have to do Gamar plays last songs every day on his Google speaker to wake him up, change the songs. He cannot get up. Nothing, just not happen. But we can't expect that he's gonna be an

    [00:57:59] Deja Harford: early rider ride. Yeah. Why?

    [00:58:00] Deja Harford: Because, cause it's just Exactly. But

    [00:58:04] Dr. Jill Baker: it's so now Gemma's early riser, she can do, do the early walk with the dog. Yeah. Gavin ain't doing

    [00:58:08] Deja Harford: that. Mean Gavin will, he'll cook a meal

    [00:58:12] Dr. Jill Baker: and he'll get up and make me coffee at seven,

    [00:58:16] Deja Harford: seven o'clock. Exactly. We build on their strengths.

    [00:58:18] Deja Harford: Exactly. Build

    [00:58:20] Dr. Jill Baker: on their strengths. Yep. Yep. So that's who, you gotta know how they move. You gotta know how they operate.

    [00:58:27] Deja Harford: Yeah. Yep. Like I said, those are the bigger challenges, with just being able to adapt.

    [00:58:31] Dr. Jill Baker: But it seems, that's why I taught her, I taught both of them, Earl, I think at five or four, how to get milk and cereal and make themselves a bowl of cereal.

    [00:58:40] Dr. Jill Baker: Especially Gemma, because she was always up to Earl,

    [00:58:42] Deja Harford: You're not gonna wake me up if, be up. No, don't wake me up. That's on you.

    [00:58:46] Dr. Jill Baker: Don't wake me up for no

    [00:58:47] Deja Harford: weekend. We're not doing

    [00:58:50] Dr. Jill Baker: that. Make yourself this bowl of cereal. The milk in the container here, pick cereal.

    [00:58:56] Deja Harford: But I'm familiar with that.

    [00:58:57] Deja Harford: And some people, that's another thing, like my children, even when they were very like young, like I always, I'm always like, if they can do it on their own, I'm going to allow 'em to do like you said, get the milk. If you're able to do it, we'll do a trial run. If you're able to do it.

    [00:59:11] Deja Harford: That's practice now. Now you're doing that as opposed to constantly doing it for your child all the time. And now it was like, as this crutch, some people may say, let a child be a child. But I'm like, it's bowl of cereal. Exactly. It's expectations. Expectations. Yeah.

    [00:59:29] Deja Harford: But

    [00:59:30] Dr. Jill Baker: that's funny. And a lot of it is like you have to do, you also have to do it for your own sanity and survival. Survival. So with the Gavin and Gemma, we just had them we just tried to have them do everything so early. Like how training, get that done. So now I can go to the bathroom on your own so we don't have to keep changing these diapers.

    [00:59:49] Dr. Jill Baker: Yep. A lot of diapers had them, lot of diaper start learning how to take showers on their own by five. Nice. Six, they were done. Amari. Boy is five turn five can't. He ain't ready. And I'm like, why Amari? Why the Jamal's? He's not the twins. I'm like, yeah, I gotta stop. I gotta stop with the his, the expectations that he's gonna be like them.

    [01:00:10] Dr. Jill Baker: I gotta

    [01:00:11] work

    [01:00:11] Deja Harford: on that. Exactly.

    [01:00:12] Dr. Jill Baker: That is true. I'm like, Amari, can you turn the water on? Do you know? I'm like, Gavin and Jim are, were killing

    [01:00:18] Deja Harford: it. Uhhuh, come on.

    [01:00:21] Dr. Jill Baker: But I was like, but we had to be that way. Yeah.

    [01:00:24] Deja Harford: Exactly. That's another thing. Because of what? Two and having multiples and the preparation from day to day.

    [01:00:31] Deja Harford: Like they had to, like everybody is every man for themselves to some extent. Figure it all out. Oh gosh. It really is. Yes.

    [01:00:39] Dr. Jill Baker: I don't know if you did this or had, I think I talked to you about this at some point. I remember having a conversation with you and your sister that I u So the first two years of their life I created like a.

    [01:00:52] Dr. Jill Baker: A master spreadsheet. And I still have it, so anybody that wants it, I will share it with you. I'll put it on my website too. Of all the things. It was a lot of things. It's a long

    [01:01:05] Deja Harford: list. It's a lot of things

    [01:01:08] Dr. Jill Baker: that we needed when we took them anywhere. That's just to visit somebody's house, not necess to sleep over.

    [01:01:16] Dr. Jill Baker: Yeah. The sleepover is two pages. I'm talking about a day. Trip's. A day trip. I'm not kidding. People. I am not kidding. So we didn't even take them to too many places or take them to visit to because it was too much.

    [01:01:34] Deja Harford: It was a lot. See that? That's how I overcame that. We just didn't go mu many places.

    [01:01:39] Deja Harford: Either. That's one. We didn't go many places. No, we didn't either. It was just, it's just

    [01:01:43] Dr. Jill Baker: it. And people didn't

    [01:01:44] Deja Harford: understand that either. Uhhuh. Yeah. Like they need to get out.

    [01:01:47] Dr. Jill Baker: They like you don't have multiples,

    [01:01:49] Deja Harford: but you don't have this on. Nowadays, it's two of everything. I'm trying to figure

    [01:01:52] Dr. Jill Baker: the pacifiers, the toys, everything. Yep.

    [01:01:56] Deja Harford: Bottles. Bottles ready, blankets. You gotta have the clothes. If anybody has a, if they're teething or just has anything. Anything that could come up. Then you have to have the change of clothes. Yeah. You don't know these different things. Everything. So everything that you would have times two.

    [01:02:13] Deja Harford: Times two, times two, and maybe even an added something because they're different. So their needs are still reading the doll or

    [01:02:19] Dr. Jill Baker: whatever this animal was at the time. The stuffed animal, the pets, different pacifier, whatever one had path one, I don't remember, but

    [01:02:26] Deja Harford: yes. Those things. The blankets say what happened in my experience, it was so weird.

    [01:02:32] Deja Harford: Like I had a friend, my sister-in-law and my cousin, we were pregnant at the same time for both. Wow. So it was just weird. Almost like we had a pregnancy pract and we didn't, it was just that cause it's like girl pre Oh, you too. Oh me. Yeah. It was just so weird. That's what it was. And so our kids are like, the same age.

    [01:02:52] Deja Harford: It's about five children that's like the same age. Oh, that's amazing. We had that, with meetings like, okay, we're gonna meet together, so somebody's gonna have a diaper. So it wasn't like that. That added stress too. Yeah. You're like, haven't got diapers. Oh man, the, oh, I got it. So it worked out.

    [01:03:13] Deja Harford: That is so stressful. Yes. You're like, it worked out,

    [01:03:16] Dr. Jill Baker: you know better. Why? Why are you so worried about how many

    [01:03:19] Deja Harford: diapers? Uhhuh, yeah. Yeah. That was intense. But like you said, pushing the potty training and stuff like that. And it was cool. It was nice. Getting them out to preschool. Oh, that's another thing.

    [01:03:32] Deja Harford: Like in school. Yes. I dunno if they said it to your children, but they were like, oh, we don't wanna put them in the same class because we want them to be individuals. And many times when twins are in the same class, they don't feel as if the individuals yeah. School that they were going to almost wouldn't even allow them to be in the same class.

    [01:03:51] Deja Harford: We've

    [01:03:52] Dr. Jill Baker: had some similar Yeah. Experiences with schools telling us that, but ultimately for us, they're very different. Yeah. Ultimately for us. What for work for us is that we just have, we took it upon ourselves to decide uhhuh what's best, and we include Gavin and Gemma in that decision.

    [01:04:16] Dr. Jill Baker: Okay. Okay. Yes. And then every, also, every year is different, so you also have to know, okay, what's going on with this child? What's going on with that child? We did, when they went to elementary school, when they were out of daycare, we did have them in separate classrooms because they, we were like, okay, they've been together for four uhhuh and a half years in daycare.

    [01:04:37] Dr. Jill Baker: They could probably, they probably need some uhhuh

    [01:04:40] Deja Harford: separation. They don't wanna do this no more.

    [01:04:43] Dr. Jill Baker: So let's separate them for a little bit. And then I think second grade, maybe second, third grade was the same. But as they've gotten older, definitely by like by four, by third grade for sure. We just have a conversation with them every year.

    [01:05:01] Dr. Jill Baker: Oh, ok. What do y'all wanna do? Do you wanna be separated or you wanna be together? And they choose. And so we have them be involved in the decision making. And what would that look like if you all are together? What would be like if you are part the pros and cons or whatever?

    [01:05:18] Deja Harford: Absolutely. Because, again, like I said, you have to just learn them and they're, you don't want them to feel as if they have to do something because this is my twin.

    [01:05:25] Deja Harford: And so I do try to foster that individuality with them in the beginning stages. It was fun. You dressed in the same I know. I miss that. Wear the same color. I

    [01:05:38] Dr. Jill Baker: still try to do this sometimes,

    [01:05:39] Deja Harford: yeah. I, it's hard for special occasions, yeah.

    [01:05:43] Deja Harford: Halloween special occasions and, yes. For their birthdays it'll be like this. I'm like, so they got the memo like Halloween. They'll have Yeah, trying to get them same pajamas and those types of things. Christmas

    [01:05:54] Dr. Jill Baker: time, I get them like the same

    [01:05:56] Deja Harford: pajamas and the same.

    [01:05:58] Deja Harford: They'll let me

    [01:05:58] Dr. Jill Baker: do that, but they're like, not gonna let me no. Match them clothes and pajamas. Oh, absolutely

    [01:06:04] Deja Harford: not. They just have different styles, right? Yeah, they're just different. They're just, they're just she dresses me. She's more fashionable than me. Is she? Oh, she a fashionista. Ok.

    [01:06:11] Deja Harford: Yes, she's, yeah. Yep.

    [01:06:13] Dr. Jill Baker: She's, mom. You look horrible.

    [01:06:17] Deja Harford: Tell me like, mean it. That's funny. I ain't gotta deal with that. Yeah. You said she was the spicy one, right? He is spicy one, yeah. Yeah. Shoes spicy. One from, so there's truth to that also, right? The pregnancy on how they are during carrying No that,

    [01:06:32] Dr. Jill Baker: that is real.

    [01:06:33] Dr. Jill Baker: That's that. People. It's real. I believe that wholeheartedly.

    [01:06:38] Deja Harford: I believe it. Whole. Whole, wholeheartedly.

    [01:06:41] Dr. Jill Baker: But that's interesting. We've had this kind of the same ex experiences covid year. They had to be together cuz we were like, there's no way we're doing two separate homeworks, two separate Zoom.

    [01:06:51] Dr. Jill Baker: Yeah.

    [01:06:51] Deja Harford: Uhhuh, no. Yep. Outta the question,

    [01:06:54] Dr. Jill Baker: I'm gonna go through this crap. Yep. And one teacher, one Zoom. And the crazy thing is they still were on Zoom with the teacher in their rooms and then Jim, but Gemma's wifi connection is really bad in her room. So then she would have to go in Gavin's room to get on the classroom.

    [01:07:13] Dr. Jill Baker: I was like, could you imagine if they were,

    [01:07:16] Deja Harford: oh no, we are not doing that. No.

    [01:07:21] Dr. Jill Baker: No, go ahead and do that. And I'm like that would not have been smart considering or in a pandemic. Uhhuh,

    [01:07:30] Deja Harford: did they have like school full-time? Cuz my district did it in such this waste of time way that. They were in school, like 20 minutes and then a two or three hour break and then a half hour.

    [01:07:40] Deja Harford: Wow. And I didn't understand it because usually the district's on point with this, I think they were just too confused. They

    [01:07:47] Dr. Jill Baker: kept changing the time. Like how long?

    [01:07:51] Deja Harford: It was a waste of time that whole

    [01:07:52] Dr. Jill Baker: year. They cut us, it initially it was too many hours and then they cut it down. Because you're like, okay, realistically no, they can't sit here.

    [01:08:01] Dr. Jill Baker: They're teacher, they're kids. They can't sit here and be On

    [01:08:04] Deja Harford: Zoom. On Zoom. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I know some, like we're adults, like

    [01:08:08] Dr. Jill Baker: we don't want to, we don't wanna do, we know we have to. You have to.

    [01:08:11] Deja Harford: That's for our employment. Absolutely. Yep. But not for the kids. Yeah, not for the kids. Not, definitely not, in the elementary time.

    [01:08:20] Deja Harford: Cause I think it was like second grade they were in,

    [01:08:24] Dr. Jill Baker: and Gavin General was fourth grade. They did fourth grade independently. Yeah, the end of third grade and then, yeah, fourth grade. Fourth

    [01:08:30] Deja Harford: grade's the hardest grade of all time. Oh yeah.

    [01:08:32] Dr. Jill Baker: It was I felt so bad for them. I felt really bad for them.

    [01:08:37] Deja Harford: Yeah. That stuff. How did they adjust

    [01:08:39] Dr. Jill Baker: going back to school? It was okay. They ended up being in the same class. They decided that they wanted to be together and their teacher was awesome. So

    [01:08:48] Deja Harford: Nice. See, when you don't force them, then they'll make their decisions. They'll make, right. And now they

    [01:08:52] Dr. Jill Baker: started middle school.

    [01:08:53] Dr. Jill Baker: Now they're in different, they don't have any classes together.

    [01:08:57] Deja Harford: They're in middle school. Am I gonna middle school next

    [01:08:59] Dr. Jill Baker: year? And they're not feeling it, but,

    [01:09:01] Deja Harford: oh, really? Like they just started. Oh yeah. So it's just, it's just middle school. We used to call it junior high. And now it's middle school.

    [01:09:12] Deja Harford: Middle school. Like what? It can't be junior high. It can't be junior high. What's the junior high? 1 44 stand. Yeah. That's what it was,

    [01:09:19] Dr. Jill Baker: yeah. So they're, yeah. So they don't, yeah, they're indifferent. Gavin's taking Spanish, Gemma's taking French, so then that put

    [01:09:27] Deja Harford: them in. Okay. Again, showing the differences Yes.

    [01:09:30] Deja Harford: Of where their interest lie. Yes. So we didn't

    [01:09:32] Dr. Jill Baker: make them take the same language. We were like, what do you wanna take? And then they, yeah. So now they're in different tracks. Nice. Yeah. Nice.

    [01:09:41] Deja Harford: It's nice. So yeah. Mine I'm still in elementary school, so they don't What do they band now? I gave band and chorus.

    [01:09:48] Deja Harford: Oh, they're band too. Yeah.

    [01:09:51] Dr. Jill Baker: But no languages. So that's one thing they do together. And they actually both are really good. Oh, nice. Yeah. Yes. So that's one activity they do together. It's not many. Okay. At this point in

    [01:10:05] Deja Harford: the game. Yes. So the lovely life of twins.

    [01:10:10] Dr. Jill Baker: No, I think this was fantastic.

    [01:10:12] Dr. Jill Baker: I think people are going to learn a lot, hopefully from this show.

    [01:10:18] Deja Harford: Yes. I've learned a lot even with these different things, like your experiences that

    [01:10:22] Dr. Jill Baker: we didn't know Yeah. That we had shared more, that we had in common. Oh my gosh. Yes. Yes. Okay. So one last question for you. From your experience and from your purview and everything that what makes you feel that maternal health is an emergency in this country?

    [01:10:48] Deja Harford: That's a loaded question. Yeah. Yeah. I think just the, with the advocacy, I think putting all of the, I don't wanna say we shouldn't trust, but the trust that's there in the medical right, community, that it's so heavily weighted that we don't listen to ourselves, and we just give all the power to the people that yes, we feel that they're educated and not failed. They are educated, right? And they have the experience, but you have to know what's best for you also, right? And make an educated, informed decision, not just because a person has a certain title, or they know how to speak very well and articulate things in such a manner that you're like, oh, they must know what they're saying.

    [01:11:31] Deja Harford: Ask questions.

    [01:11:32] Deja Harford: It's important to do those things. And I think that's what makes it an emergency, is the fact that we all. We're like in panic mode, especially in our community, right? Like again, absolutely. Yes, we are. It's unfortunate, like the population, like I said, I was living in Brooklyn and where I was going to the doctors, I know I wouldn't have been treated that way if I was one, not black, right?

    [01:11:57] Deja Harford: Or if I was in a different area to get like a semi pass. Okay, I don't know maybe she's the token, right? And how to she got into this area. Unfortunately, that's like what the thought processes are. So I would say that anything if it's in crisis mode, it's an emergency and this is a crisis that's happening, too many lives are being lost, we're just because we're scared also, that's what makes an emergency. I think people are scared to forget how fear, right? Or to, cause they don't, because of bad experiences, whether it's from them or from people that they know, so the trust is completely lost. So that's what makes an emergency.

    [01:12:31] Deja Harford: We have to continue to talk about these topics. Find someone that you trust. Create supports and form a community around this topic.

    [01:12:39] Dr. Jill Baker: Thank you Deja so much. Yes. Was amazing.

    [01:12:45] Deja Harford: Thanks for having me. This is so fun. Absolutely. Yes.

    [01:12:52] Dr. Jill Baker: So to maternal health 9 1 1 community. Thank you all for tuning in this week.

    [01:13:00] Dr. Jill Baker: I'd like to thank our special guest, Ms. Deja Hartford once more for joining us today and sharing her experiences and her knowledge with us on the show. She will definitely be back cause we have a lot more to talk about. Deja let the listeners know how they can find and connect with you.

    [01:13:25] Deja Harford: Okay. As I mentioned earlier, I'm a mental health.

    [01:13:28] Deja Harford: I'm a licensed therapist. I, you can reach me on my name, my company steps to clarity.com. So that's www.stepstoclarity.com, and it's virtual, a hundred percent virtual. Be able to connect on that level. Earlier we mentioned also my skincare line. That's for eczema.

    [01:13:46] Deja Harford: My son Jonathan, actually has severe eczema, and Gemma

    [01:13:49] Dr. Jill Baker: has, so yes. Summer

    [01:13:51] Deja Harford: too. Does she see, look at these, all these connections and thank you, Jill, for saying, expressing that you love the products and how it was amazing for your hair, because that's one of the oils that as well hair has

    [01:14:02] Dr. Jill Baker: growing.

    [01:14:04] Deja Harford: Nice. And that is solace by j.com as well for

    [01:14:09] Dr. Jill Baker: this here. Woohoo. You guys heard it first here. Yes. So all the listeners, you can find the Maternal Health 9 1 1 podcast on all platforms where you will listen to podcasts and you can also follow maternal health 9 1 1 on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

    [01:14:29] Dr. Jill Baker: You can also dm me with your questions, thoughts, or to share your fertility or maternal health story. You can find me your host at Dr. Joe Baker on Instagram, at Dr. Joe Baker, Twitter. At Dr. Joe Baker TikTok at Dr. Joe Baker. And for more information on the show, you can also listen to the show and more information on your host.

    [01:14:56] Dr. Jill Baker: You can visit ww dot dr joe baker.com. If you're listening to us on Apple Podcast, please re and review us. It will really help the show and we welcome the feedback. Thank you all so much.

    [01:15:13] Deja Harford: 3, 2,

    [01:15:14] Dr. Jill Baker: 1. Yeah. Thank you for listening to this episode of Maternal Health 9 1 1. Please follow the show on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Feel free to DM me with your questions and thoughts or to share your infertility, fertility, and maternal health story. For more information on this podcast and your host, visit ww dot dr joe baker.com listening to the show on Apple Podcast.

    [01:15:41] Dr. Jill Baker: Please rate and review it. It really helps the show and the feedback is welcome. Good morning. Yeah.

 

Deja's experience with doctors during her pregnancy highlights the importance of advocating for yourself when it comes to your health. It can be overwhelming to navigate the healthcare system, especially during a vulnerable time like pregnancy. However, speaking up and asking questions can make a huge difference in the quality of care you receive.

Additionally, Deja's emphasis on mental wellness for both individuals and families is crucial. Taking care of your mental health can improve all aspects of your life, from relationships to work performance. It's important to prioritize self-care and seek professional help if needed.

Some tips for maintaining good mental health include:

  • Practicing self-care activities like exercise, meditation, or hobbies

  • Building a support system of friends and family

  • Seeking therapy or counseling when needed

  • Prioritizing sleep and healthy eating habits

Remember that mental health is just as important as physical health, and taking care of yourself mentally can have a positive impact on all areas of your life.

Guest Bio:

Deja Harford is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and the Founder/Owner of her thriving private practice Steps to Clarity. She provides a treatment tailored to the needs of couples, families, and individuals experiencing anxiety, depression, disruptive behaviors, relationship challenges, and self-esteem issues. 

With more than 15 years of experience working with children, adults, and families, Deja has a wide range of skills. The opportunities presented over the span of her career to serve the community continue to grow in various ways. She has provided emergency room mental health and substance abuse inpatient treatment assessments for several years, provided clinical services for men and women, and facilitated mental health workshops. In addition, she has previously worked with adolescents and families in various settings. Those roles included being an interim program director for a juvenile justice facility, an NYC Board of Education counselor, and an adolescent residential treatment center therapist. Her experience with working with diverse and disadvantaged populations opened up many avenues in contributing to a better society by touching the lives of so many in various ways. 

Deja has been described both personally and professionally as a diligent, motivated, inclusive and ambitious individual with a lot of charisma. It is her overall goal to assist in enhancing the quality of life for individuals and families. She believes everyone has a unique situation and she makes every effort to understand all aspects of one’s life in order to deliver highly personalized treatment. 

When she is not providing services in the counseling realm with individuals and families, Deja creates natural handmade skincare products for her line Solace by JAH and she is preparing to launch a personal development coaching business venture called Pursuing Passion & Purpose. She also enjoys vacationing in the Caribbean, family impromptu dance parties in her living room while creating amazing memories with her husband of 12 years Andrel, honorary son Jayden(16), Twins Juliana (9) and Joshua (9) and the baby of the house Jonathan(4).

 

Deja Harford MS LMHC 

Founder/Owner 

Steps to Clarity 

Mental Health Services

 
 

Learn more about Dr. Jill here.

Have a story to share? Send us an email at maternalheatlth911@gmail.com

Follow Dr. Jill:

LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-jillian-baker-61543222/


Instragram: https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/maternalhealth911/

and

https://www.instagram.com/drjillbaker/

 
Jillian Baker
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